I’m really in need of good advice. I recently found out that I was pregnant. This is a huge problem. I am Catholic so I cannot tell my parents and I can’t get an abortion. I haven’t told my boyfriend but I’m afraid if he finds out he’ll leave me. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone so this is a last resort. I keep thinking I should maybe have a confession? Please help me.
It’s understandable that you are worried and scared as this situation is extremely nerve-racking. Hopefully, I can give you some good advice that eases your worries and helps you get through the beginning of this journey.
To start, I would like to address how you’re feeling. There are probably many things going through your mind (most of them negative), and I just want to speak some truth. You should not be ashamed of yourself in any way, don’t feel guilty about your decisions, don’t criticize yourself, and don’t dwell on the “shoulda, coulda, woulda”s of these circumstances. You are going to be a mom, and that is amazing! There is a new human growing inside of you, and that is something to be celebrated. Your position isn’t ideal, but life isn’t always perfect; so look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of the girl you see. Love yourself and take care of your mental health throughout this whole adventure, whether that be through a bubble bath, ice cream, a funny show, or spending time with close friends. Remember that you are incredible, beautiful, and worthy of an awesome life.
Second, I know this may be uncomfortable, but I believe you should tell your boyfriend. This may be advice you’ve heard before but think of this as a character test. If he stays and accepts the responsibility of being a father to his child, then he’s a worthwhile boyfriend. If he blows you off, doesn’t care, essentially abandons you and his child… he isn’t worthy of you. If you choose to take this advice and tell him, it should be done in private, maybe in a slightly public place like a coffee shop—just for safety and to prevent inappropriate outbursts—and in person. This is news that you both need to process and discuss together. Walk into the discussion prepared for the absolute worst thing to happen. It will still hurt, but it is easier to deal with a bad situation that you expected to happen, than have your hopes smashed against the wall. Remember to do what you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be discussed in one conversation; it could happen over many.
Next, you need to find a group of people, or at least one person, who you trust and has the resources to support you. It doesn’t have to be your parents, tell them when you are ready, but it should be a trusted adult. This could potentially be a mentor from your church, a close family friend, or a close relative. Essentially any adult will be a good choice. Being pregnant is not easy, and you will need people to help you get through it healthily and comfortably. Then tell your close friends, trust me, if they’re really your friends, they will support you 100% in any decision you make and be there for you when things get tough. This step will take a lot of courage, but the more you tell people, the easier it becomes to talk about it with others.
Lastly, in terms of you going to confession, personally, I think you should because the priest may be able to direct you to some good support people and set you up comfortably. Also, it is the first step to prepare you to tell people. Confession is anonymous like this advice column, only the people on the other side of the wall are a bit more experienced and can offer you sound advice with practical follow-ups if need be. If you don’t feel comfortable with the formality of a confession, or you feel like your inner, harmful self-talk would be amplified during or after confession, then I do recommend finding a member of your church that you trust and speaking with them in private.
Now, just in case you find yourself in a difficult situation, I’m going to list a few places you can go and numbers you can call. Please do not hesitate to use them if you are in a crisis. I really want to make sure that you and your baby remain safe and healthy.
- Humewood House:
Address: 40 Humewood Drive
Cell (text or call): 647-302-9873
Office: 416 651 5657 ext 240
- Jessie’s Centre:
Address: 205 Parliament St
- Massey Centre:
Address: 1102 Broadview Avenue
Phone: 416-425-6348 x230
- Planned Parenthood Toronto
Address: 36B Prince Arthur Avenue
Thank you so much for reaching out to me, I hope my advice was helpful to you. Hopefully, I answered all of your questions, but if you have any more please don’t hesitate to ask me. Don’t feel ashamed, and do what you believe is best for you and your child like walking away from potentially toxic relationships or circumstances. You are worthy of so much and I have no doubt that you will be a great mom.
All the best!