Ask Angel – Boyfriend vs Bestfriend

Yesterday, my boyfriend came up to me and told me that my bestfriend tried to make a move on him. I’ve only known my best friend for two years, but I trust her. The problem is, I have dated my boyfriend since before Covid and I trust him as well. Anyways, I went to go confront her and she told me that my boyfriend had tried to hook up with her twice already. She didn’t tell me because she wanted our relationship to work out, I seemed so happy. She also said that she was going to tell me but then he beat her to it. I talked to my boyfriend again. He said she’s been flirting with him for a while and denies everything she said. I am currently not speaking to either of them but I don’t want to lose them!

– Torn  

Dear Torn, 

The situation you’re in is quite complex and there are many ways you can choose to handle this. I believe your current plan of not speaking to them should continue. What’s key to understanding is one of them is lying to you, whether it be your bestie or your boyfriend, and it appears neither plan on coming clean anytime soon. It is even possible that both of them are lying to you. Whoever’s hiding information is afraid to tell the truth as they don’t want to lose you, but maybe that is for the best. I’m sure they are probably very scared of how you will react, whether you cut them off or forgive and forget. How you choose to handle this is very important, for them and for you. 

If you knew who to direct your anger towards, handling this situation would be much simpler. However, because you don’t, it’s easiest to look at it like this. It is obvious that one of them is not being truthful towards you. It even looks to me that one of them is lying to you but both are trying to cover it up. Both of them care for you and worry about hurting you in this situation, but lying in an attempt to save your feelings, is still lying. They made two mistakes here, the first was someone going behind your back and trying to get with the other, and the second was then lying about it to you when caught. 

The problem here is that it appears neither of them plan on coming clean anytime soon. If neither of them plan to admit their mistakes, there is not much you can do. You could choose to forgive them but I doubt that will end happily. It is likely their sneaky lying business will continue, just even more secretive this time. Forgiving them and moving on is likely just to hurt you more in the end when their behavior doesn’t change. They clearly don’t understand the seriousness of their actions or maybe they don’t care about your feelings. Either way, they are wrong and should face consequences. If they cannot come clean on who made the mistake, they should both go down. They are both lying to you, and lies like these are practically unforgivable. 

Personally, I would not want a potential cheating boyfriend or a lying best friend. If they are choosing to lie and cover-up each other’s mistakes over coming clean to you, neither belong in your life. The important thing to take out of this is a real friend or a loving boyfriend would not do this to you. Moving on and leaving them behind will be hard of course, but it is what is best for you. The toxicity they bring in your life is not needed, especially not in high school. Richview is an environment full of people your age, all potential friends you could make. Leaving these people behind will hurt you at first, but save you from hurting more in the long run. I like to think of high school as a time you will begin to develop and discover who you are. It is a time to grow and make friends. People who lie to you or sneak behind your back are not needed in your high school experience. Kind, fun, honest people are, and it appears they are not that.

You would be surprised how often situations like these occur in a teen’s high school life. I’m sure you could even find movies with a plot like this! The point is you should not feel alone. However you choose to handle this situation, just remember that you deserve the best people in your life. If you feel they are those people, then act accordingly. If not, follow the instructions in this article. You did not deserve to be put in this position but it is now up to you to use this advice to decide how to handle it. Good luck! 

Signed,

Angel