Ask Angel – Anxiously Attached

I am an anxious person and recently I tried talking to my boyfriend about something that’s made me really nervous but he completely shrugged it off. The way he acted really hurt me. How should I talk to him so that he will actually listen to me?

Dear Anonymous,

The situation you’re in sucks. I know it’s not great to feel ignored by someone, especially if it’s someone you’re really close to. This situation can either make you stronger as a couple or it can be the end of your relationship. There are multiple ways to approach your situation, communicating to them about how you feel, calling them out, and—this isn’t my strongest recommendation—completely forgetting about it.

First, you should figure out why they weren’t really listening to you in the first place, and why they brushed you off. Was he distracted? Did he understand what you were saying? If he was distracted by playing video games, I find it very unlikely that he was listening to you. If he told you he was, then it was probably a lie. I know when I play video games, I get so focused that I can’t hear when other people speak to me—that might have been the case with your boyfriend. Although it is not a good excuse to justify him brushing you off, it is understandable.

Being an anxious person is totally understandable and it can bring up unique challenges in a relationship that others might not have to go through. Communicating your emotions to your partner is not easy and that’s totally fine, but you should also ask yourself why you aren’t comfortable talking to them. The key thing about any relationship is trust. If you can’t trust your partner how are you supposed to tell them things that make you feel uneasy or uncomfortable? Try to surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with, because if you feel uneasy around them regularly it will be way more difficult to share your feelings. 

There is always the option of calling them out. They might not have listened to you the first time, but when you call them out and make it clear that what you’re trying to say is important to you, they will make sure that you are heard and that they understand what you’re saying. If you are important to them, they will do their best to make you feel heard. Tell them that they hurt your feelings when they acted like they didn’t care. It’s not okay to be ignored, don’t convince yourself that it is. 

Finally, there is the option of not telling him again or talking to him at all. Personally, I think that this should be a last resort kind of situation because choosing to do that could potentially lead to the end of your relationship. As I said before, trust is a big factor in any relationship, but another one is communication. If you and your boyfriend cannot communicate your feelings properly to one another, then you do not have a good foundation. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you cannot or will not feel comfortable, appreciated, or loved. It is not selfish to want any of those things.

At the end of the day, it is your decision on how you would like to approach the situation. You know your boyfriend and yourself better than I do, and there are plenty of options on what you can choose to do. You can call them out on what they did wrong, tell them again, or take a break from your relationship. No one will judge you for whatever you decide. Put yourself first, your happiness is the one that is at stake. Trust yourself to make the right decision. No one other than you can say if it was the right call or not.

With love, 

Angel

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