Ask Angel – Socially Distanced Friendships

Before the pandemic my friends and I were so close, now we barely hangout, they still hangout without me and I see it all the time on Snapchat. I really care about them and thought that they felt the same about me…do I confront them? 

– left behind

Dear Left Behind,

Hey there, thank you so much for reaching out. I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling left out, I understand that it’s a poor situation, but know you’re not alone. There are many other people out there who are going through the same thing as you and it does get easier. Real friends care about each other, they don’t leave each other behind as you were.

You said you see them hanging out without you all the time on Snapchat, so clearly this is a persistent issue that’s been bothering you. You should try talking to all of them or possibly just the one you are most comfortable with, and let them know how you’ve been feeling. It could be that they’ve been wrapped up in their own lives and haven’t noticed you’ve been feeling left out. It’s important to communicate how you’re feeling so you can hear their side of the story and understand what’s been going on.

Another possibility could be that they have their own inner circle and you’re not the only one who’s been feeling left out within the larger group. You can try making plans with the whole group and do something fun! However, you shouldn’t be too constant with it, but rather see how they react. Are they agreeing to plans? Are they canceling? If they’re agreeing, that’s a good sign, it means they still want to hangout with you! If they tend to cancel often, it could point towards them not wanting to hang out. If that’s the case, making some better friends, that truly care about you, could be a good idea.

Now, I recognize that you may not want to make new friends but it’s not doing you any good by continuing your seemingly one-sided friendship. Try getting closer with some acquaintances you have and start talking to some classmates more. This will take time though, of course, so you can focus on other things in the meantime. It’ll give you a chance to focus on your school work more or any other outstanding tasks you may have been putting off. These new friends that you make could also be more fun to hang out with than your current ones and that’s always rewarding.

In the end, you won’t really know what’s actually going on until you talk to them directly. Confrontation and communication are good places to start. Then, you’ll be able to talk through everything without accusing them and have a calm conversation that ends with none of you getting upset. Try inviting them and making plans to potentially hang out and see how that plays out. Finally, if all else fails, finding new friends is never a bad thing, it encourages you to open up and experience new things! Whatever happens, I wish you luck and hope that everything goes well for you.

Signed,

Angel