Ask Angel – Double Betrayal

I saw something last week and I am still seething. My boyfriend and I have only been together for a couple of weeks. So, we’ve been spending a lot of time together, and my best friend is usually there too. Lately, she’s been making it pretty obvious that she’s crushing on him. Just little comments about how funny he is or how sweet he is. I’ve usually brushed them off. Except, I had some people over the other night and watched the two of them walk off together. I followed them, and I watched her kiss him on the cheek. He didn’t say anything about us being together or that he can’t, he just smiled. To be honest, I didn’t stay to see what happened next. I just left the room quietly and hung out with other people. It’s been a few days, and I don’t know what to do. I’m so mad at both of them and so hurt. What should I do?

– seething

Hello Seething, 

First and foremost, I am very sorry that this happened to you. I’d be upset and hurt as well. Throughout this process, you must remember that your feelings are valid and no one should be able to tell you otherwise. 

To give you some advice, before you make any big decisions, it may be best to sit both your boyfriend and best friend down individually to talk about what you saw. Although it may be difficult, try to stay calm and collected throughout the conversation. Your emotions could potentially be used against you and/or prevent you from having a productive discussion. Present your side of the narrative without either of them interrupting you and express everything you want to say before they can refute it. Then, listen to their explanation, but remember that you don’t need to accept any apologies. 

If your boyfriend admits to flirting or cheating, it may be time to end the relationship. If he argues and gives his side of the story, listen to it, but don’t allow yourself to be gaslighted, or tricked into thinking what you saw didn’t actually happen. Stay true to your story and trust yourself. After talking to your best friend and hearing her side of the story, take some time to reevaluate your friendship. Someone who would make a decision like that knowing that their actions will hurt you and potentially ruin your friendship is not someone you should call your best friend. If you choose to remain close with your best friend, I’d suggest taking a break before resuming your friendship. Having some additional time to deeply reflect on your friendship and the situation at hand may make you realize that the time spent without someone is better than the time spent with them. 

It’s incredibly difficult to end a friendship or relationship, especially when you care deeply about that person, but you need to put your feelings and well-being first. You should always surround yourself with people that you trust and who make it evident that they actually care about you. Letting go is challenging, but trust me, there are people out there who you can restart with and find mutual respect. In the end, it’s up to you to decide what to do in this situation. I know you will make a well-thought-out decision that puts yourself and your needs first.

Best of luck,

Angel