Ask Angel – My Not So Secret Crush

There is a girl that I’ve started to talk to more often in class. I used to have a crush on her and I’ve stopped but recently I’ve been using any excuse to have any sort of conversation with her. Talking to her is the highlight of my day. I really like getting to know her and I love making her laugh-especially because she’s kind of shy. Yesterday I overheard her say something about me to her friends. I’m not exactly sure what it was, but she laughed and I think it’s bad. What if she thinks I like her again? I mean I don’t even know if she likes to talk to me or if I’m just some annoying dude in her class that she’s forced to tolerate. Advice?

– worried

Dear Worried,

Hey there! Thank you so much for asking, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I completely understand how difficult this can be. Having a crush involves so many complicated factors. Honestly, you’ll never know if she was actually talking about you unless you ask her directly. You can also tell what a person thinks of you by analyzing how they act when you’re with them, that could help you figure out what type of person they are. Lastly, if you don’t like her but you think she does, you can either let her know directly or indirectly how you really feel.

First off, communication is important! You should find someplace to talk to her in private, let her know what you saw, and ask her about what was going on. It’ll be easier to get a straight answer if you try to calmly understand what happened rather than accusing her. People tend to want to avoid conflict and aggression from others. After all, you did say that she’s shy so she might be more inclined to tell you the truth about what happened if you’re straightforward. Plus, this way you’ll also know if she really does think of you as the “annoying dude in her class” or not.

You can tell what she thinks of you by seeing if she’s reacting positively any time you guys talk. Does she seem interested in the conversation? If you guys have hung out before, has she proposed the idea of you guys hanging out again and followed through with it? If the answer is yes to either of these questions, chances are that she likes you too and was saying something good about you to her friends. Don’t forget, laughing doesn’t always mean they’re being negative!

This bounces off the first idea where I said you should talk to her directly but if all goes well talking to her then, you should also explain that you don’t have feelings for her anymore. There’s two ways you can do that, depending on how bold you are. You can either just bluntly tell her that you don’t like her anymore or you can beat around the bush by insinuating that you have a crush on someone else. By doing that, she’ll assume you’re not into her anymore which will be good for you because you won’t be worrying about that anymore.

If anything, I understand why you may not want to risk your friendship but it could be for the better. There’s no point in being friends with someone if you’re doubting yourself when you’re with them. Make sure you’re communicating clearly, comfortably ,and calmly whenever you choose to talk to her because you’ll have a higher chance of getting proper answers that way. Don’t rush straight to negative conclusions, keep your head up and stay positive! Finally, make it clear how you feel about her because if she does like you and you don’t feel the same way, it’s better than leading her on. Good luck!

Signed,

Angel